Posted by: tgonzales | July 9, 2017

After Your Parents are Gone

I have heard this saying a lot lately and I remember my Mom telling me that she was a little worried about this same thing.

I had thought about it and had seen other families as they went through the process of losing both of their parents.

Sometimes I noticed that the families would just drift apart.

And I wondered how this would affect our family as well.

So I took notice when our brother Dean passed away it was very hard to watch both of my parents grieve for their son. We still tried to gather around our parents to soothe all of our grief.

Then less than a year later our Daddy passed away and we all rallied around our Mom to soothe her grief.

When Mom became ill with Alzheimer’s, we once again rallied for our Mom.

All the time I kept wondering how her passing would affect our family closeness and I remembered what she had said to me about how she worried that her children would lose touch with each other when she was gone. Through all of this I love the way that Jackie has been the one to make sure that we all stay in touch. By either a phone call to each of us or by organizing an impromptu breakfast because Terry was going to be in town.

I appreciate Jackie’s ability to gather everyone together and I love her for that.

Mark and Jackie graciously welcomed us into their home one Sunday in May and Jackie cooked up a wonderful breakfast and we all gathered and visited and had a good day.

This last week  my brother Terry and his wife Cathy were going to be in Wichita and I was on vacation so I had them over for an impromptu lunch.  Unlike Jackie I didn’t have any luck gathering any of the other siblings, but I had a much needed one on one visit with Terry and Cathy. Anyway, I was wondering about other people’s family dynamics after their parents pass away. Do you struggle with keeping the family together or is it easy for you?



  1. I am so with your Mum on this one, and if one of my boys has a problem, I encourage them to go to each other for help and support. My Dad has died and my Mum has alzheimers. I have just one brother and sorting things for our parents has brought us together not certain how we will be when she leaves us. Meantime we have a family wedding and all are coming, hurrah.
    Mr E’s family rent a house every couple of years and everyone gathers under one roof. You just have to make the effort. Blood is thicker than water. Good for you seeing your brother! Hugsxx

    • Hi Cathy! Thank you so much for filling me in on your and your husband’s family. I love to hear that you all make the time to stay together. It sounds like fun. Love and Hugs, Tamara

  2. Thanks for asking the question, Tamara. I’m very new to this situation as my dad just passed in May. I think if you make a conscious effort to keep in touch, you will. You may be lucky in that you live fairly close together (I’m guessing) and that may make it easier to have get togethers. It may ebb and flow as well due to life circumstances. I’m glad you have been able to spend some time together.

    • Hi Jeanne. I was so sorry to hear about your Dad passing away. I know it’s been hard on you trying to help with your Dad’s passing and to keep your little family happy as well. In answer to your question about living close; three of us live in Wichita and my brother Terry lives on a farm about an hour and a half away, so not far at all. So, yes it is easier for us to get together than some families and I am thankful for that. I have a feeling that you will try your best to keep your family together too, even if it might be phone calls or emails back and forth. Anyway, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to leave a comment. It always puts a smile on my face to hear from you. Love and Hugs, Tamara

  3. I have always been struck by your sense of family commitment (and enjoyment, not obligation!), which is clearly shared by all of you. You are a wonderful wonderful family, who anyone would be privileged to be a part of xxx

    • Awww Jill! You made me smile and cry at the same time. Thank you for loving me and my family. (I know you didn’t say that you loved us but I have a feeling if you met us you would.) LOL! Anyway, thank you for stopping by to comment. It always makes my day when I hear from you. Love and Hugs, Tamara

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