December 12, 2012 Two Years Ago Today (Repost)

I realize I posted this a year ago, but I still feel the same about my brother Dean and I don’t think I could say any better words than I did a year ago. Don’t get me wrong; I feel so blessed to have had the time that I was able to spend with my brother and for all the good memories that no one will ever be able to take away from me. So here goes:

When I first started writing blog posts I decided that I would try to only write about lighthearted things. But when one year ago today I received a phone call that would change my family’s life in a way we could never imagine I then decided to only write about what I feel in my heart. Mostly my feelings are light but some of them are sad too.

One year ago today I received a phone call from my Mom saying that Dean was gone. I remember asking her where did he go, what do you mean? She said, “he’s dead and me and your Dad are heading to Kingman to be with Ann (his wife) and the kids.” I felt lost and felt like someone had ripped out a piece of my heart. I started to cry and wondered where should I go? I felt helpless. My Mom had tasked me with calling everyone, so I tried to call my sister and remembered that she was attending my niece Emilee’s college graduation ceremony.

So I told John that I needed to go home; even though no one was there I felt like I needed to be there when my Mom and Daddy got home. Upon arriving home I remembered I didn’t have a key so I went to my oldest brothers’ house (Tom) who lives about a mile south of my Mom and Dad’s house. When I arrived there I found that my sister-in-law Linda had just woke Tom up to tell him the news.

When I walked in I found my brother in his underwear curled up in a fetal position sobbing. All I could do was sit down next to him while we both held each other and cried. He kept saying over and over the date of Dean’s birth and how he didn’t remember much of his life before Dean was born and now how could he go on without him. We just sat together in silence not knowing what to do or what to say but we knew life wouldn’t be the same without Dean. As we held each other I thought about Dean’s wife, children, grandchildren, my brothers, my sister, and my Mom and Daddy, and then the tears would flow again.

My childhood memories would come flooding back too, how we played hours upon hours outside when the weather was good,

and all those many hours spent playing together just the 5 of us inside the house.

Then when each of us got married and had our own families Dean would always be the one to call and update me on the milestones of his children and then the grandchildren came along.

He was so proud of all of them and would call me often to make sure he updated me. Then I would share stories about my children and grandchildren.

What was I going to do without the phone calls on updates and that special phone call wishing me a happy birthday?

Well I can tell you right now that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of Dean and all I know is that he took a piece of my heart with him when he left us on December 12, 2010.

I still can’t help but think that he went first to pave the way for the rest of us, because that’s just the kind of son, brother, husband, daddy, and grandpa he was.

I love you Deanie and will never forget you; ever.

I hope you all enjoyed some of the childhood photos that I included in this post. I just love looking at old pictures and remembering all the good times that I had as a child. I remember this one just like it was yesterday; Dean told me that he got his arm cut off and I was trying to pull on his sleeve to see if he was telling me the truth or not. He drug me all over the house while I was hanging on to his sleeve.

This one has a caption on the back that says, “Dr. Kingery’s office and his patients. She’s getting a shot. Pretty office, huh?” This is my Mother’s handwriting so I know she sent this photo to her mother; updating her on what was happening at our house. I especially like this photo as it shows my brothers holding dolls and Dean is giving me a shot. I can still see his face with that little smirk that he displayed when he was trying not to smile.